I’ve Been Hoarding?!

I had a stunning revelation this week. I’ve been hoarding. You know what it looks like from that show on TV. Stuff gathered and gathered, piled high, tipping over. An unexplainable habit of holding on to things that should be given away. My hoarding habit, however, was invisible to the outside world.

My husband would guess my closet right about now, but that’s not it (although my closet is usually a mess!).

It’s my spiritual closet.

My heart and soul is so full of the comfort and revelation of God. The times He has reached out and put a balm only He can offer are too numerous to count. The volumes I could write about how He healed my shattered heart through Scripture would line the walls of any library.

God has been my Comfort and my Healer in so many different ways throughout our years together. It boggles my mind and overwhelms my heart on a regular basis.

Yet, I tuck most of it away.

These moments save me from the pit of grieving a child and are too personal to share. These moments are between me and my God. These moments are cherished and treasured. These moments are private and mine alone. Or so I thought.

Until this week, when God told me to stop hoarding these moments to myself. I was reading a devotional and the author asked, “Are you a spiritual hoarder?” My immediate response was “no.” Then, if one could hear God snort, that’s what I felt!

I paused and sat quietly, asking God to show me if I have, in fact, been a spiritual hoarder.

Yes, was the answer I received. Yes, indeed. But, I argued: I share what I learn from Bible study; I teach other women how to get into the Bible; and I try to put resources out there to show women what I’ve learned.

“But, you’ve been holding back,” I felt God respond. Somthing along these lines tugged at my heart: “You’ve been willing to teach, but not willing to wade into their pain.”

Now THAT was true. I like to keep a barrier up between me and deep emotions. I’m not comfortable showing big emotions. I don’t like it. So, I’ve been taking my big emotional moments with God and hoarding them so that no one else might see.

Yet, Scripture demands exactly the opposite:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our troubles, so that WE can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

Paul David Tripp, the author of the devotional I’m working through said it this way: “The hard moments are not just for your growth in grace, but for your call to be a tool of that same grace in the life of another sufferer. In difficulty, God is softening your heart and sharpening your edges so that you may be ready to make the comfort of the invisible Father visible in the life of the weary pilgrim He has placed in your pathway. God intends for you to give away the comfort you’ve been given.” (New Morning Mercies, July 19).

Oh. Well.

I wondered how many weary pilgrims I’ve passed by, clutching my comfort tightly to my own chest, too scared to give it away. Too scared to talk about it.

I looked into my heart and realized my spiritual blessings of comfort, peace, joy, and contentment from the Lord and my Bible were stacked up as high as they could be, tipping over with the weight of them.

How bad could it be if I let some of them tumble down and give them away? Could I really seek out those weary souls and walk beside them, sharing the comfort I’ve been given?

I’m not sure I’m strong enough. But, I’m going to try. With this blog, I’ll start sifting through my spiritual hoarding and share the comfort I’ve received from the Lord on this website. It’s a start!

Have you been spiritually hoarding? What has the Lord been teaching you? How has the Lord been comforting you?