A precious gift from a friend, received many years ago, still sits near my desk where I dream to be a writer. It reminds me that she believes in me. It reminds me to believe that God will use my words to draw hearts to Him.
We are walking by faith these 21 days in order to explore our dreams. But, what is faith? I think my treasured gift has it right. Faith is not believing that God can, but believing that He will give you the desires of your heart.
Easier said than done, right? How do we believe God will act on our behalf?
For me, believing God will use my dreams takes time. Oh precious time! I must sit on my porch. I must start my day by sitting still. This is very difficult for me. I remember my grandmother always asking me, “don’t you ever sit still?”
What happens when I sit on my porch, however, is worth more than gold to me: I see God. I feel Him beside me. I sense His presence. He “talks” to me there.
I don’t mean any of that in a literal way, but it’s no less real to experience than if Jesus rang my doorbell. Some of you know exactly what I mean. Others are not so sure. In your heart, you are wondering how does it happen? What does this “seeing God” look like?
For the chance at opening someone’s eyes and heart to more of God, I will risk an unedited, completely vulnerable journal entry from July 27, 2017:
“For some reason, I felt compelled to find this journal this morning. Today, I fly to Indy because Mark is in his final hours. As I spent time with God and in my devotionals, I asked for His help today. To cover all of us who are grieving. To take Mark home swiftly and gently.”
“I felt pressed to write. It’s weird, but I felt the desire for a sharp pencil and lined paper. I thought of this journal…where is that journal I rec’d after Austin died?”
“I went to look for it and found it in a desk drawer. The stunning part is that 2 papers fell out of it: 1) paper I wrote down my commitment to minister to the grieving and stop fighting it, that I will see the face of God over and over again if I do it. 2) an outline of a book for grieving, with 12 chapters! (matches my notes on using #12 to restore).”
“God you overwhelm me with your love and attention toward me. Your care of the details of my morning is beyond comprehension. I love how you connect things and reveal insights in your timing & in your way. That you even know my name would be enough. That you love me makes my heart ache, but that you care in showing me that you are paying attention to me, stepping into my morning to allow me a glimpse of your divine desires and plans for me is beyond mere human words. My mind simply cannot image what you are like and how great is your power.”
“You reach down from your heavenly splendor to touch me, sitting in m rocking chair on my porch. You bring my mind to the path you would have me go. Show me the way, Lord. The more I seek you, the more I see you, hear you, sense, you. That you would deepen a relationship with someone so pitiful and stuck as me is overwhelming. I can hardly believe it is true.”
“Yet, in the deep recesses of my soul, somewhere glorious and mostly hidden, I know that I know, that I know… it IS YOU! You are connecting with me, guiding me, helping me.”
“All of the days of my life should be so blessed. I can even be satisfied with no more (let it never be so!) if that were your will for me. For but one glance, one glimmer of you is enough to sustain a soul through this brief journey on earth. One moment of certainty that you exist and are looking at me would propel my heart into eternity.”
“How many of these moments, O Lord, do I miss? How often do you call my name and I fail to turn around. In what ways do you reach out your mighty hand to guide my way and help me through, yet I clamp my eyes shut and grope around in the darkness?”
“Thank you for showing me how and where the “12” revelation you showed me some time ago fits into the words you would have me write. Put your words into my heart and let your love seep through my pencil. Father God, show me each minute of my service to you. Use me as your instrument. Use me as your hands and feet.”
“Teach me to do your will, O God, for I am your servant. (Psalm 143)”
Well, there you have it. I just let my “crazy” out into the world. What I wrote in my journal is how I talk to God in my prayers. I hope this helps you “let loose” in your journal as well. Let your heart pour out in your prayers.
I also hope my simple example of finding some handwritten notes in an old journal helps you “see” God more often:
I pray that you will sit with Him and open your mind to “see” Him in each day, in small ways. Look around, my friend, God is calling you, too!
Third Assignment: Make a list of the different ways/times that you have “seen” God in the past.
Until next time, get lost in the wonder of Him ~ see and believe!